Profiles

In the domestic adoption world, there is a document called a "profile" which is ALL of your life bound in a tiny book of photos and words. In many ways, having a "profile" feels like overexposure. Or worse, it makes you feel like a phony. I mean, how can one person's whole existence be summed up on a couple of pages of Kodak paper? However, the "profile" is your lifeline in the adoption. Without the profile, no birth moms will ever even know you exist. Without the profile, you are never going to get your baby. Therefore, I remind myself, every time I think about my "profile" out there getting scrutiny and narrow looks, to put on the full armor of God. With this armor, as described in Ephesians 6:10-20, I am more than a conqueror. When I am wearing this armor, nothing formed against me can possibly stand. I am especially writing to inform everyone that this week I have sent out my profile for a specific case. The birth mom will review many profiles this week. It all is in HIS hands. Whether the "profile" advances me to the next level or not, I am still armored and fully HIS. 

Looking at verses 19-20, I am especially in need of your prayers. I cannot speak for myself...the "profile" speaks for me. More precisely, Christ speaks for me. He stands in my defense. My profile speaks directly of Christ and His love and His salvation. I am praying that it also audibly speaks to the birth mom that The Lord has chosen to bring my child into this world. This woman holds a very special place in my heart. Please lift up the birth mother of my child. Inevitably, the decision rests solely on her. I am praying for divine intervention in regards to her choosing me. As anyone can imagine, this decision will be one of the most difficult decisions of her entire life. Pray for her with me. Pray for her soul and salvation. Pray for her to experience clarity and peace as she decides the future of the life growing inside of her. 

As always, pray for my child. Pray for a healthy baby and a free-of-complications birth. Pray also for me. I covet your prayers in the waiting...in the quiet. 

Love in Christ,

Needing His Embrace

-Satisfied, The Gathering Place Worship- Come & Dwell

I want to keep these words on repeat each day as I face the multitudinous bumps in the road that is this adoption journey. To say that everything along the way is fantastic would be a lie. Most days, it is difficult to face the reality of the process----the agonizing waiting, the anxiety of the lack of funds, the pressures of making the correct choices.  Crawl under a rock and hide there forever? Yes, please! The only problem with that is that Christ is a beacon of light. Nothing about what He is doing here in the midst of this journey can be hidden. Daily I feel like a raw, salt-scrubbed, open wound. Here is the thing....I know why I feel that way. That feeling is Christ! He is speaking through the vulnerability.  If I did not know what discomfort felt like, then I would be missing out on Him Washing me in His grace, Drenching me in His Spirit, Clothing me in His Love, and Wrapping me in His mercy.  I do not want to miss such precious moments. Feeling exposed and ragged makes me want to be more overwhelmed with his presence.  It makes me long desperately for His perfect embrace.  So, I recant. Forget the hiding under a rock forever thing. He is my ROCK and my salvation. My ROCK, my Savior, hides me in His serenity. It is the only true calm in the storm.  It is a peace like no other. When I remember this, I am satisfied. Apart from HIM, I am nothing. Play that on repeat all day long. Never forget it. Never live outside of it. So, as I face weekly turmoil pertaining to choosing which birth mom profile is the "right" one, I am reminded of all of these things. Though I am weary, He is my strength, my peace, and my refuge.  It would be easy for me to complain and say, "I'd rather be somewhere else in this process right now." And, don't get me wrong, I do still say such things (pray for me!). However, there is nowhere better to be than right here--overwhelmed by His presence in this struggle, knowing that I am in the center of His will. So, if you're journeying with me, join me in rejoicing over the only thing in the world that matters....Jesus Christ! Please continue to pray over me and my child as the Lord continues to move at His own pace. 

Much Love, 

Jambalaya

This verse of scripture was lived out loud by my closest family on earth-- the family of believers. I am always overwhelmed by the evidence of Christ within His active body. I want to offer my deepest and sincerest thanks to everyone who participated in Jambalaya Plate Lunch Day! Thanks to my dad for being an excellent cook. Thanks to everyone who helped in all capacities. If you sold plates, dished beans, placed in forks, baked cookies(or even burned a couple!), counted orders, delivered orders, rescued delivery ladies whose car overheated, watched babies for hours so others could work, and sacrificed your space or time in ANY way, I am indeed truly humbled by your love and am grateful for your participation. It was a all-hands-on-deck kind of day, and I could not have done it without you guys. If you were one of the many generous people who purchased a plate or two, thank you again for supporting me in this process. I love you all! It is because of days like this that I am reminded of Christ's overwhelming Providence. It is by witnessing his followers serve so willingly that I am reminded of His power, might, and love. Thank you, family, for being the light of Christ in my life. 

 These days, I sometimes find myself pondering the difficulty involving adoption.  Whoever said it is an easy process is a fool.  It is, inevitably, a roller coaster of emotion. In many ways, my adoption process seems to be a lot like Matthew 7:13-14.  Without trying to take scripture out of context, comparatively, I would say that I see the mirrored image of my experience in these verses.  It seems as though this whole process began in a very broad fashion.  Slowly, the Lord has narrowed the path leading me to my child. I have had to allow the Lord to lead me further and deeper onto a more and more narrowed path. All the while, as he narrows my road, He brings forth springs of blessings. Many new people have been introduced as important to me and my future child along this narrowing pathway.  The Lord is creating permanent relationships, lessons, and love on this narrowed trail.  It is frightening to walk this path; this path seems like the wrong one because it is so novel. However, the narrowed path is Christ Himself. As I place my feet upon this path, I am literally deeply encountering the Spirit of God. He envelops my doubts and worry. He controls my destiny; He is guiding me directly to my baby. He calls me to a deeper faith upon this narrowed path. Christ, the small gate and the narrowed path, is in ABSOLUTE COMPLETE CONTROL over my life...my adoption process....my child's future. I am grateful for the walk along the path. I am finding Him and falling more in love with Him every step of the way. 

Just thoughts,

Major Changes

After the devastating news that the DR Congo would be closing permanently to singles, the Lord immediately opened a doorway for domestic adoption. I have been in a long season of prayer and grief. Grief over the loss of my beloved and cherished grandfather. Grief over the loss of a potential adoption from the DR Congo. But, Jesus is peace. He provides calm when there should be no calm. He sustains me. I am trusting in Him to lead me to my child. 

I ask that you continue to pray for the orphans in the DR Congo. Many children will suffer due to the closed door to single adoptive parents. 

I am now completely finished with my paperwork for domestic adoption. I am currently submitting my paperwork to multiple agencies at one time in order to cast the net wider. The hope is that I can be matched with a birth mom soon. I still need tons of funding. However, I know that the Lord will provide. Pray for me and my baby and the birth mom (family) of my baby. All of us need Jesus to take complete control. 

While this message may seen too brief, it is all that I can share at this point in time. I will begin to be more diligent in posting. I need and covet your prayers. Please join me in praying over this newest development in the journey. 

Affliction is not defeat

The level of intensity of this weeks emotions is difficult to describe. This week was the manifestation of the phrase "life can throw you a curve ball." And yet, I fear that it could have been worse. In many ways, I know it was worse for so many others. This week, the DR Congo decided to cease releasing exit papers for adoptions for 12 months. Initially, this crushing blow wracked my very being. But, then, the Lord spoke. He is so mighty, yet so gentle. He is so powerful, yet so meek. He is, despite the millions of questions I flung at Him throughout this week, my whole existence. He is, regardless of this trench I find myself in, the reason that I still sing His praises. I know that He orchestrates all things. I know that, despite affliction along this journey to reach my daughter, I will not be destroyed--because Christ is within me. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Therefore, my heart soars thinking of His mighty works. My prayer is that my life would continually represent a manifestation of His love. I do not want to bow down to insecurities and lies from the world. I will only serve one master. His name is Jesus Christ. 

Please, join me in praying for a speedy remedy for the reissuing of exit papers for adoptions in the DR Congo. Please pray specifically for families who are currently in the middle of turmoil and anguish, as they may have a fully processed adoption, but are not being allowed to exit the country with their children. Pray that government officials and adoption agencies and advocates would make quick work of removing the suspension on exit papers, to benefit suffering children. As always, please pray for Vivie!

The More You Know

Throughout the past two to three weeks, I have had ample opportunity to seek the Lord. It seems as though all sorts of crises erupt all at the same time. I have decided to embrace these moments. I had to complete my online parenting courses, and the one thing that kept reiterating in my mind was, I have to be more Christ-like, for me and for Vivie. What God is showing me is that I cannot be more like Him if I do not truly know Him. "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you" has now transformed for me. I used to believe that these words meant that I could ask for "things," and they would appear, because the Lord is good. Now, I believe that these words are a directive to my heart; these words plead with me to earnestly ask the Lord to reveal himself to me. When I ask for Him, I will find Him. When I seek Him, He will open a doorway to his heart, nature, love, etc. One thing is for certain, I want, more than anything, for Vivie to KNOW Christ. The Lord has ordained me to be an example for her. That, alone, stirs me. It gives me the desire to scour the callouses off of my faith. It causes me to desire Him more. And that desire, in spite of all of the chaos that can occur daily, is satisfaction. 

Throughout the online classes, one horror after another is revealed to you of what you can expect from an institutionalized child. Here is my summed up lesson from all of those classes: 

REST IN HIM

Photo Credit for all three photos: April Wareham

Pictured above are precious little ones who are orphaned and living in the DR Congo. They, like Vivie, need your prayers.